aku takut miskin

Aku takut miskin? Ya, aku sangat takut bila suatu saat aku akan menjadi miskin. Aku takut sekali, bahkan sangat takut bila sedang tak punya uang. Badanku gemetar. Moodku turun drastis. Aku seperti hilang kendali. Karenanya aku selalu berusaha menjadikan diriku manusia beruang. Lebay? Ya, memang begitulah adanya. Aku tak tahu. Aku hanya terus merenung, sebenarnya apa yang terjadi. Apa aku terlalu hedon? Aku akan terus terang mengenai benda apa yang sedang aku inginkan dan aku membeli semua makanan yang kumau, bahkan sampai membuatku terus-menerus sakit karenanya. Apa itu keterlaluan? Dan aku jadi suka berfikir hal-hal aneh. Seperti suatu saat di masa depan aku harus tinggal di rumah yang kumuh dan kecil, pasti aku aaaah aku tak sanggup membayangkannya! Semoga saja Tuhan selalu memberiku kemudahan. Aku tak mau menjadi miskin. Aku ingin selalu mempunyai uang, uang yang banyak. Apa itu salah? apa yang sebenarnya terjadi padaku? 

Mama

Kembali teringat. Satu-satu.

Sebuah takdir yang menyeretku ke sini. Sebuah rutinitas yang membuatku lelah. Dan selalu sosoknya. Yang terbayang saat pulang. Saat melaju bersama beat merah kembali ke kamar singgahan perjuangan. Sosoknya yang selalu tersenyum dan menyambut di depan pintu rumah. Menanyakan keadaan di sekolah, mendengarkan keluh kesah, menyuapi makanan, dan suka kujadikan pelampiasan kelelahan.

Mama, yang tak pernah memaksa. Melahirkan 10 anaknya. Membesarkan 7 anaknya. Kenapa begitu kuat mama? Bebanku masih tak sebanding denganmu. Menunggu ayah saat hamil anak pertama, saat haji, bahkan sampai sekarang yang sering ditugaskan dinas ke luar pulau, kenapa bisa?

Masih jelas kuingat. mama yang mudah menangis, polos, lucu, dan sangat suka bercerita. Meninabobokan sepanjang malam dengan dongeng-dongeng indah yang semakin berganti dengan kisah hidupnya. Menasehati.  Mendukung setiap keputusanku? Membelaku? Tapi aku tak mengerti. Tak banyak pengalaman. Apakah yang kujalani sekarang ini baik untukku?

Kini saat aku pulang hanya sendiri. Terlalu letih tuk berbicara. Terlalu lelah tuk mengutuk sesalnya. Salahkah ma bila setiap waktu aku rindu padamu. Sosok yang mengerti walau aku tak bicara. Walau hanya diam. Salahkah ma bila aku menjadi begitu cengeng karenamu? Salahkah bila aku terus mengutuk usiaku yang mulai beranjak dan selalu ingin bergelanyut manja di pelukmu?

Hidup ini keras seperti kata mama selalu. Begitu cepat berubah.

Tapi apa artinya bila teringat denganmu ma? Sosok tanpa topeng. Tak akan pernah menusuk dan berpura-pura. Selalu mengingatkan, dan membela di depan maupun di belakang. Sosok penuh kasih, malaikat sesungguhnya sebagai sahabat di bumi ini yang selalu tulus menyayangi.

Mama, doakan aku agar cepat menjadi dewasa.

p.s. Curahan hati sehari-hari yang diputuskan untuk diposting :)

(Source: leilockheart)

(Source: sun-kissedbliss, via dreamlimited)

New Moon Unofficial Film Script

Ini merupakan salah satu percakapan di film new moon. Dan cukup kaget lagi karena Michael Sheen (yang lagi bikin aku patah harapan) juga main dan berperan jadi Aro. Di film ini juga main Dakota Fanning yang berperan jadi Jane. Bener-bener gak nyadar pas pertama kali nonton. Make up mereka tebel banget kali ya bikin gak sadar. okeh, lets check it out!

SEQ. INT. Volturi Court. Bella, Edward, Alice and Jasper enter the well-lit court, flanked by the guard. Demetri offers his hand to Aro. Aro greets them even as he reads Demetri’s mind. Marcus and Caius are beside Aro.

ARO
Edward! We are so very pleased to welcome you back! And, of course, Alice and Jasper! And this must be the lovely Bella. Also on behalf of Marcus and Caius, I welcome you all to Volterra on St. Marcus Day!

EDWARD
On behalf of my companions and myself, we thank you for your kind reception.

ARO
Oh, forgive me. We haven’t been introduced properly at all, have we? It’s just that I feel like I know you already when I read Edward’s mind yesterday. Jasper, the mighty warrior who has survived thousands of vampire attacks. Fascinating Alice, who can see the things yet to come. And, the captivating Bella, the one exception to Edward’s impressive talent.

Aro focuses on Bella.

ARO
I was wondering, since our talents are similar, may I try to see if you are an exception for me as well? But my talent requires physical contact, so if you would be so kind as to raise your hand?

A terrified Bella looks at Edward for guidance, who nods slightly. Bella raises her hand as requested. Aro touches his hand to hers. His confidence changes to doubt, incredulity then a friendly mask.

ARO
A first. I wonder if she is immune to our other talents… Jane, dear?

A roar rips out from Edward. Jane beatifically smiles at him. Edward collapses and silently writhes in pain on the ground. Jasper and Bella make a slight movement towards Edward as if to help him. Alice grabs Bella by the shoulders to stop her. Jane smiles at Jasper. Jasper falls to the floor in pain, an occasional hiss escaping from his lips.

ARO
Alice, if you please…

Alice reluctantly releases Bella and takes a couple of steps away from her. Bella looks at the writhing figures, then raises her head to meet the gaze of Jane, prepared to be tortured as well. Jane smiles at Bella. But nothing happens. Jane increases the intensity of her efforts, glaring at Bella. Aro laughs delightedly and touches Jane on the shoulder.

ARO
Don’t be put out, dear one. She confounds us all. Cease and be at peace.

Edward and Jasper spring lithely to their feet, and, together with Alice, form a circle around Bella. Marcus touches Aro’s palm briefly.

ARO
(to Marcus) Thank you.

Marcus moves away towards the windows.

ARO
(to Edward and company) Marcus is surprised at the intensity of your family’s ties with one another. (to Alice) Your brother seems to think you infallible, but, apparently, there was some mistake.

ALICE
Oh, I’m far from infallible. As you can see today, I cause problems as often as I cure them.

ARO
You’re too modest. I’ve seen some of your more amazing exploits, and I must admit I’ve never seen anything like your talent. Wonderful! (to Edward) You see, Edward? What did I tell you? Aren’t you glad that I didn’t give you what you wanted yesterday?

EDWARD
Yes, Aro, I am.

ARO
I adore a happy ending. They are so rare. Ah, the bliss of true love. And the tragedy of its loss.

Aro glances briefly at Marcus then turns his gaze back to Edward and company.

ARO
My young friends, we are in a quandary. You have broken our most basic of laws by telling Bella of our secret existence.

Edward tries to speak, but, Aro raises his hand.

ARO
But, let it not be said that the Volturi are not merciful. Alec, leave their sight and hearing.

Alec looks in the direction of Edward and Jasper. A mist travels from him and surrounds the two male vampires.

EDWARD
No!

ARO
We, Marcus, Caius and I, will spare all of you. But we claim Bella. Only her life will be forfeit.

With Alec’s mist, Edward and Jasper are incapacitated. They cannot move nor speak. However, their sight and hearing are intact, and they are still aware of the proceedings. Aro beckons to Bella to come closer to him. Bella is forced by the Volturi guards to move forward.

ARO
I’m so curious, you see. Edward, do you know that we have a name for her? La Tua Cantante. Her blood sings for you. Just remembering the siren call of her blood through your memories makes me thirsty.

Aro sniffs delicately.

ARO
Ah– The bouquet is tantalizing.

Aro lowers his head towards Bella’s neck.

ARO
I shall sip her like a fine wine.

Aro suddenly turns to Marcus and Caius.

ARO
Marcus! Caius! I have a wonderful idea! I haven’t seen a prospective talent so promising since we found Jane and Alec. Shall I invite Bella to be one of us?

Without waiting for an answer, Aro turns back to Bella.

ARO
My dear Bella, since Edward is unwilling, shall I give you the immortality that you long for? You shall be free to go afterwards, of course, but, we would be utterly delighted if you decide to join our company.

Bella is totally confused and terrified. Alice steps forward with her hand raised. Aro eagerly takes her hand, and then laughs in delight at the images, especially the vampire version of Bella who is shown tracking and then attacking a hunter in the woods. As she bites his neck, her eyes are clearly tinted with red.

ARO
That was fascinating! To see the things that you’ve seen– especially the ones that haven’t happened yet!

ALICE
But that will.

ARO
Yes, yes, it’s quite determined. Alec, that will be all, thank you.

The mist disappears. Edward and Jasper are immediately beside Bella and Alice.

EDWARD
Then we are free to go now?

ARO
Yes, yes. But please visit again. It’s been absolutely enthralling!

CAIUS
And we will visit you as well. Were I you, I would not delay too long. We do not offer second chances.

The sounds of an excited group can be heard approaching the doors.

CAIUS
I think it would be best if you leave now. Accidents do happen.

EDWARD
We shall follow your advice.

ARO
Goodbye, young friends. And, remember, we would always consider you as excellent additions to our elite company. Send my regards to Carlisle.

(Source: technicolormyworld, via glass-t3ardr0ps)

"Lily has two fathers, which makes her childhood much different from mine, because I didn’t even have one"

Kate Beckinsale

Tak Sesuai Harapan. part 1

Sheen and English actress Kate Beckinsale have a daughter, Lily Mo Sheen, born 31 January 1999. Their seven-year relationship ended when, during the filming of Underworld (in which they both starred), Beckinsale left him for the film’s director, Len Wiseman, whom she then married.

Although he did not appear in the 2006 sequel Underworld: Evolution, other than in flashbacks to the first film, Sheen had a prominent role in the prequel Underworld 3: The Rise Of The Lycans, which Wiseman produced but did not write or direct, and in which Beckinsale does not appear.

Sheen lived for a time in the United States with Beckinsale, but since their relationship ended, he now splits his time between United Kingdom and Los Angeles co-parenting their daughter.

Undoubtedly, Michael Sheen is a wonderful man, father and human being who has focused on what’s important in life.

(via glass-t3ardr0ps)